22 Sep Why do they only contact me when it suits them?
Why do they only contact me when it suits them?
A new relationship feels good in person, but contact and plans happen almost entirely on the other person’s terms.
Dear Uncle Matt,
I've been seeing someone for a few months and when we're together it's really good. The problem is everything between those times.
They can disappear for several days without messaging and then suddenly contact me wanting to meet that evening. If I'm busy they seem disappointed, but they rarely agree to anything I suggest in advance.
I've started keeping evenings free just in case they contact me, which I know sounds ridiculous when I write it down.
Am I expecting too much this early on?
Waiting Around
The sentence I'd pay attention to is the one you've already spotted yourself: you're keeping evenings free just in case somebody decides they want to see you.
That's when their unpredictability starts controlling your life.
People have different attitudes towards messaging and not everybody wants constant contact. That alone wouldn't concern me. But expecting you to be available at short notice while being reluctant to make plans that suit you creates a very one sided arrangement.
Stop keeping time available for them. Make your own plans. If they contact you and you're free and want to see them, fine. If you're busy, you're busy.
I'd also suggest making a specific plan in advance. Their reaction will tell you something. Someone who genuinely wants to see you should usually be capable of occasionally putting a date in the diary.
You don't need to demand constant attention. You do need to decide whether what they're offering resembles the kind of relationship you're actually looking for.
Have something you would like another opinion on?
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