22 Sep Everyone else seems to have their life sorted except me
Everyone else seems to have their life sorted except me
Comparing an ordinary life with everybody else’s visible achievements is leaving one reader feeling behind.
Dear Uncle Matt,
I'm in my forties and feel as though everybody around me has worked life out except me.
Friends have better careers, bigger houses, more money or seem much more confident about where they're going. I constantly feel like I'm behind.
Social media probably doesn't help because everyone seems to be announcing another achievement while I'm just getting through an ordinary week.
I know comparing myself with other people isn't useful, but knowing that doesn't seem to stop me doing it.
Falling Behind
You're comparing the complete, untidy version of your own life with selected pieces of everybody else's.
That's an unfair comparison before you've even started.
Most people don't announce the ordinary weeks, the arguments, financial worries, mistakes, doubts or Sunday afternoons spent wondering what they're doing with their life. You tend to see the new job, holiday, anniversary and house keys.
There also isn't a universal timetable you're supposed to be following. By your forties you've probably already made decisions that took you in directions you couldn't have predicted twenty years ago. So has everybody else.
Instead of asking whether you're ahead of or behind other people, I'd ask a more useful question: is there something about your own life that you genuinely want to change?
If there is, choose something specific and work on that. If there isn't, be careful that you're not manufacturing dissatisfaction simply because somebody else's life looks impressive from the outside.
Other people's milestones are not deadlines for yours.
Have something you would like another opinion on?
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